That's not how this works!

By Vanessa Shepherd

First graders are weird.  I have a first grader and the way their minds work seriously confuse the mess out of me.  I don't know the last time a six year old has graced your conversation but I would love to give you a hint of what I have to work with these days...

Michael had been coming home from school hungry, I'm talking really really hungry. Haven't eaten all day maybe two kind of hungry.  This was happening for a while and I excused it as typical boy behavior and shed a small tear for our grocery budget.  Every day at 2:10pm I would pick my man child up from school and without fail every day at 2:15pm he would be perched at the counter awaiting his second lunch.  It was getting old and fast.

And then I thought of something... what if he wasn't eating what I had been packing for him?  What if his second lunch really was his first lunch?  And so I asked...

"Michael, did you eat all of your lunch today?"

"Yes."

"Michael, did you eat all of your lunch today?"

"Yes, Mom."

"ALLof it?"

"Ye-ahhhhhhhhhhh-NO.  I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry!!!" Followed immediately by hysterical crying.

The thought of him throwing that much food away, days upon weeks worth, was nauseating and I did what every mother would have done in my shoes- sent him to see his father.  Right now we are a part of a church plant in Central California and my husband works in his "office" most days (located not so comfortably but very adorably, if I do say so myself, in the garage) so having him go "see his father" on occasion is pretty convenient for a mom who is at a loss for words from time to time.

And then my husband got father of the year.

Michael walked back inside and I asked what he had learned from talking to Dad.  He told me how Rich had showed him a World Hunger video to show him the importance of food and how many children aren't privileged enough to have what we take for granted.  Genius.  Simply genius.  Way to take a moment of "my carrots aren't as cool as my friend's bagged processed poop chips" and turn it into a teaching moment.  Well done, Mr Shepherd, well done!

Thoroughly pleased with the outcome, I decided to leave it alone knowing that after what he had just seen I would never have to worry about it again.

Oh, first grade.  How you test me.

Two days later... yes, a whole TWO DAYS... Michael comes home STARVING.  I drop my shoulders, lean on the counter, and look Michael right in the eyes as I ask him once again if he had thrown away his food.  The fruit of my husbands labor.  Literally, it was fruit that day.

And without skipping a beat he responded, with enthusiasm, "YES! And I remembered that video when I did it!"

And then I died. Of laughter. And sent him back out to the garage.  

Insert old lady from Geico commercial saying "That's not how this works! That's not how any of this works!!!", here!

Children... just when you thought you were getting your point across... FOR THE LOVE!!!